Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.