Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.