Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

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  (434): Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood. (951): sound pretty economical http://tfl.nu/xtyc
  Replies (11) Good night (2946) Bad night (467)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  all we need is a web designer

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  and a bunch of prostitutes

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  (973): all we need is a web designer (1-973): and a bunch of prostitutes http://tfl.nu/pfgf
  Replies (19) Good night (2370) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.

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  (407): I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on. http://tfl.nu/fzv2
  Replies (20) Good night (859) Bad night (3157) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.

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  (479): he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that. http://tfl.nu/u07t
  Replies (65) Good night (544) Bad night (4007) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.

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  (757): We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on. http://tfl.nu/8n2e
  Replies (15) Good night (5542) Bad night (919)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

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  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5343) Bad night (769)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

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  (314): Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late. http://tfl.nu/bosu
  Replies (17) Good night (4830) Bad night (1048)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

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  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4916) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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  (315): I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism. http://tfl.nu/5nmw
  Replies (8) Good night (3482) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

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  (785): You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina. http://tfl.nu/6dr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3003) Bad night (776)
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  (332): View more from

  Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her

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  (332): Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her http://tfl.nu/zh80
  Replies (2) Good night (1659) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Wont she be proud, Hailey.

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  (512): Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting. (512): Wont she be proud, Hailey. http://tfl.nu/kwv4
  Replies (8) Good night (1135) Bad night (1433)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro

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  (330): It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro http://tfl.nu/tuhp
  Replies (9) Good night (1467) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...

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  (860): on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed... http://tfl.nu/6d23
  Replies (4) Good night (1004) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off

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  (701): New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off http://tfl.nu/w6xr
  Replies (1) Good night (239) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt

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