And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
