I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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