i would punch a child for taco bell
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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