So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
