that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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