we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize