She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
