I'm jealous of your bromance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
false alarm, still single
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
