i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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