Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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