I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
