No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
