I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
