I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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