I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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