I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
