Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just forgot I was standing up.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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