WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
