Your dad touched me again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
