Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm getting married
To pizza
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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