You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
