this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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