If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
