When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
