I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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