Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
