Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
