i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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