i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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