oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Bring me that man meat
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
