is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
