i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My ass is underappreciated
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
