11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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