Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
