took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just tell him i said nine months
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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