dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
