he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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