I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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