i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
