there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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