My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
