I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
