Got a toothbrush?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
