You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
