If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
