Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
