During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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