so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
