You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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