Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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