I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
