You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
