Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize