Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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