the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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