If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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