Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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