just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize