1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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