I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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