my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
