just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just pee around me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
