Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
